i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
