So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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