Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
