last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize