To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
