So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
