If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize