where does the pee come out of this thing
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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