yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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