it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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