Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
