Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
