Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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