it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
