Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
