she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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