so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
