it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
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the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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