I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
