My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
