dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
