I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
