Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
