Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
