I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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