I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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