did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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