my sisters under your porch take her home
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
