kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
