just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
