ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
