he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
