The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
