I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
