Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
