i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
