I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
