I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
