puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I believe in your delicious
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
