Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
birth control should be required to get into college
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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