She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
