When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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