i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
