Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
