you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
