We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
