when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
