Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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