What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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