You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
