put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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