just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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