a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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