This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
how does that bad decision feel?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
