Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We got so high we made milksteak
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
