I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
