Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
