Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We are two peas in an std pod
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize