Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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